I would have written a poem for i am happy and would happily express such a feeling. But today, on this sunny day, on this fabulous drinking day, i don’t mind, seriously, i just don’t! By the way, it is on that mood- the me not minding mood, that i wish to share a story i fondly like, this way maybe you will understand why i don’t mind and happy about it.
So after creating everything, by the way our story just begun, the creator called man and woman, he told them that he had given them everything he had to offer but there were two more items still up for grabs, and he wished to share this items out but unlike everything else they had received, he invited them to each choose an item for non would have both. So item number one- remember this is the creator talking not me, ‘ Lady and gentleman may i present to you the Prickkkkk! aaah which one of you wishes to have the Prick?’ he posed, “ay ay ay sir!!” man with his impatience as jumped up and picked it up. He was so dazzled in the number of things it allowed him to do, for example he could pee wherever and whenever he wanted, and this of all amazing free things in this life fascinated him a lot, he could dance all he wanted and his new tool would either follow in the dance or stand straight at the sight or thought of women- it had balls to accept and refuse commands, this amazed him even more with excitement written all over his face, not that he knew that it also meant he would have to work from top during copulation? no, but the excitement was running throughout his nervous system,wow! he needed a beer to celebrate this phenomenon!
As man made his prost, and in this moment where a mixture of confusion and excitement made a perfect cocktail , a clear recipe for one to forget things, the creator’s time was coming to an end so he made way to leave the room but woman, who had been watching man lost in the moment interrupted the creator right before he left , ” Hey there…ah..ah.. creator, wait a minute….sorry..aaaahh correct me if i am wrong.. you said two items,…what is the other item??’ said woman so eager to see what she would get…”Ahhh..sorry..i nearly forgot, its the mind, you get to have the mind.” said the creator as he left for his holidays which would take more than a life time to end.
Now that we are here, i hope you don’t mind reading more- of course for men this is a non-issue but for women its a different story. Unlike men, women mind everything, i mean from their hair to their nails-which most of us never get to understand why spend all that money on non living parts of our body, i mean does this perfume smell sweet or citric-i have no idea how a smell can be sweet about the latter- its just a word i hear flying by,so i don’t mind but they do, they mind about the lotion they use in their body which is different from the ones for the hands and another one for the legs and a smaller one for the face, i mean you need to own a lotion encyclopedia to know which one is for which part and purpose for in winter these changes and new ones come in, and by the way did i forget the lips? that also has a special lotion, they mind their diet, i mean colors from violet to pink to silver to happy blue-how can a color be happy?, i mean they mind, they have a mind and they sometimes even mind using it, for minding is in their blood, in their DNA. Did i just say blood? This too they mind, they mind it and that’s why they are always against violence and war- perhaps this is why mindless men who run the world are dead scared of letting woman in positions of power for if so was to happen then war in the world would end, and guns and panzers would be as useless as used up toys, bad for their bloody business, huh?, so things like walking out in the dark, to snoring in sleep, to having bad dead scary dreams( which by the way have a tendency of occurring at night that they are called nightmares- i wonder, does it qualify to be a night mare if one has a bad dream during the day?) so women mind about this as well, actually the only thing they don’t seem to mind is wearing fancy not so warm clothes in a freezing cold day while going out for a date- in this instance minding about elegance prevails over the weather.
In fact women extend this minding about things to even minding other peoples business- my dictionary calls that gossip or something..right? no, this is them stretching the item the creator offered them to its extreme possible use, therefore any man angry about this should try using his gift from the same creator, i mean pee on a tree or a street light-just do something and stop acting like you have a mind!! why have a gift and not use?
About language, this too they mind of course with hookers and angry pregnant women as exceptional, save for these exceptionals, being soft and eloquent is a virtue they submit to whole-heartedly. With Nigerian women joining the list of the exceptional women on matters soft speaking, the others one can easy vouch for. Of course Nigerian women share one defining common trait with their men , they never mind their tongue nor their pronunciation, just speak it out loud, the other person will sort himself out on how to understand it .
Now i hope you understand why not minding is not a man’s business and maybe the reason why today on this beautiful sunny day its neither mine as well. The only other thing that strikes my mind in an interesting way is the thought of how would things have turned if the woman had chosen the former instead of the later? ha! Would we have men minding everything?? i mean would they be having like ten wallets and then girls would have only one old brown purse that houses cash alone? i mean i can not imagine going for shopping every week, spending six hours in a mall, trying out different clothes and ending up buying just a pair of socks after being attended to by numerous shop attendants,in fact i would literary mind this! ooh shit! did i say mind? I would mind even writing this piece. On this thought i think, though the prick has its share of weaknesses, i would choose it, not a smart choice but i would rather be a team prick than a team shopping, i don’t mind being corrected!