coping with a broken will

My will  is broken, my will is broken, my will to find the meaning of life

my will to find some meaning in this meaningless quest,

and i feel offended that so mean is life without a meaning,

my will to be happy, my quest to quench this thirst that forever elusive is,

Thirst, you wonder, yes thirst, the meaning of this seemingly mean and meaningless life,

i break, i collapse and crumble yet i cannot fathom what gains i stand to get once i capture a true meaningful understanding

of this mean meaningless life,

tears, sweat and pain is all there is in this calabash of elusive happiness,

happy tears at times but they are still tears, even if diamond shaped, still tears

and this tears my heart, my will and the willingness to overcome the mystical reality of hardness in time

the timeliness of it still baffles me yet it still happens,

i am now completely perplexed,

in-spite of the fact, i still want to be one among many agents of positive emissions that this butt of a buttered world emits

 

my broken will, my very broken will, a will that’s unwilling to let go the breakup madness.

 

Caught in a world where your mean score means more than your actual score,

finding trouble trying to explain to yourself how we got there

and yes its our time to run the show,

to serve the world

to be looked up upon and criticized when we fail

told off where we fail and given a nod when we get things right,

what meaning is there? what to make of this bewildering set of a paradox we find ourselves in

yet we must fit in, pose for a photo and smile,

even-though deep down, this we know, there are a lot of things not to smile about

my broken will, my very broken will to part take in this crumbled world

 

 

Time and chance happen to all at some time,

yet this break in will wants to side track what’s important and focus on all the minute things without meaning,

minute makes the soft heart happy, and i am baffled but curios

crazy that i am curious in a time where limbo provides for human machines instead of curious people

i feel so let down and thus my heart break

let down not by anyone in particular, but by this confusing happyless system we find ourselves in,

i need an escape, no excuses, a real escape

but the world provides that i can only lament, nothing real is expected to result from this, at least i don’t expect

my broken will, my freaking broken will, and now i have to cope with it.

Life is hard, death could be easier but no man known to us can verify this, its tricky to think of it,

and culture has it forbidden to talk about, some other sort of limbo

and the world, which we run with our sweat and blood-minus the brains (this we are not allowed to use,)

still expects one steve mejja to be contented and lament when not but not change anything drastic

he still needs to be controlled by the few who we allow to use their heads,

my broken will, my very broken will, in this life, and i can’t break out, i only find me in a break

in a break of confidence, in a break of will, in a break of trust

i crumble in this puke of confusion contorted with pure meaningless priorities

leave in the softens of this pure cool air when the time is right, the time is never right, whoever took right from me

my broken right less will,

if only i can fix it, but i am in a fix, i fit there even though my feet wish to fit where they really can stand

my broken will, and this is my fix, i walk away….

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