You met her one year ago. Since then you have been going out with her every now and then-now and then could mean twice a month or twice a week depending on fluctuation of your schedules. She knows most of your friends, you too, you know most of hers. She is your friend, your good friend with a capital F and genuine with a shoulder you cried on, with a hug you leaned on, yes! that kind of a friend.
But of late, after that African party you took her, after those erotic dance move you shared, after finally seeing her for the “beautiful woman she is”, after finally ending up in her bed-the coveted bed! she in your arms and you into hers, after those crazy kisses-she almost injured your lower lip they were hot as they come! after seeing beyond the dress the slender naked body, ooh that sweet slender! a slim possible figure that many ladies would die of hunger to get, after sharing those intimate moments that shock you both but you smiled with joy, maybe more with the satisfaction and the reality that this actually happened!
The fear of going back there the next day, with she not able to address you face to face and you knowing the only thing stronger than fire is more fire! so instead of addressing her so much, you undressed her and hit it harder that she mourned and loved it, and addressed you eyeball to eye ball-the awe it brought? she is texting you every day, she cant eat lunch without updating you, you cant have a shower without writing her and telling her you will be getting naked soon-the naughty dirty talks you now share? she looks like she came from heaven but maybe the dirt in the talk is there anyway.
Every turn you make, every stride you pursue, every breath you take and every joke you make-you think of making her smile, and you do, like this? you may poison her with smiles,but you do it and you want to do it more-she thinks you are a smile freak but keeps on freaking tagging you to give her more, you must have a whole sac of smiles to dish out to her, to only her and this makes you so happy, so full and complete, its even feels foolish when you think about it. No! you don’t want to think about it, you can only feel it and fail to explain it-because words alone can never fully tell of how it feels.
So back to the world where she is calling and texting you every other odd minute she finds, and you too, you are a partner in this cat and mouse phone check mate game! bingo! she just destructed you as you type! For every available minute, you have been seeing each other or you have wanted to see each other. Jeez you missed class to see her and she-so you would learn later, she skipped her lecture. This is becoming crazy and ludicrously so! but its sweet and lovely!
You can not imagine life without her-this sounds naive and you know it but with this feeling?? like this?? you know you feel it and you hate naive-no! you are an African man and naive for men is a taboo in your culture! maaan! You are falling heads over heels for her and she? she crumbles at your sight! This is scary, and here you thought that night mares scared you more. You even stopped watching horror movies as an antidote But this? its the good kind of scared but you swear to Jehovah that its scary.
Its so scary yet so sweet-now you miss her, you check your phone shit! you now realize that of late every time you check your phone you are actually checking for her text! This girl is becoming addictive, more addictive than drugs! damn you don’t know how addictive drugs are because you don’t use any, but scientists say they are addictive and school taught you to believe those fuckers and so you do. But she is more addictive than drugs, you are ready to stand toe to toe with Professor Freakenstein to prove your point. But he is damn, in matters feeling he is a damn dummy and you know it plus why waste precious time with him while love flows from rivers that she fetches water from?
This hunger to see her is becoming immense-somebody do some freedom from hunger walk on your behalf! The thirst to leak her lips seems endless! the sweetness in those tiny things is contagious and addictive-somebody give me a prescription on the number of time you should drink from those filtered waters!
But you cant swallow your pride in the crumbling eyes of love. You could text her now and stop writing this meaningless draft, no not you, not a proud kikuyu man! damn the pride, its the fear! your monkey fear! but your name is not kimani? And Bob Marley did not name a son after you! You are full of yourself and emotions are full in you! but no emotions! come on tell her you love her? your buddies urge you! but you? the macho in your genes and the fimbo you tuck in those jeans?damn you could be under the cover of her skirt now!
But of late, you worry too much. What if this one crumbles like previous ones? What will other people think of you? and no what will you think of you and your relationship with luck or lack of it? You are strong willed-no not true! You look strong willed and focused but behind those doors of your mind, only God knows whats cooking! only he who know the tears you’ve shed as your hearts gets shuttered, crushed with a sledge hummer into the tiniest of pieces, the loneliness you’ve endured sleeping on that couch after a long boring day, the empty feeling that sometimes reminds you how vulnerable you are as a man, as a person, as a foreigner and how foreigner stance magnifies that to standards unimaginable to man, by man i mean, any man but you!
By the way speaking of men in general, lets not mention the pink pajamas you wear to bed! and the way you think they look so gay but they were a gift with love from a previous relationship, and now you may have to throw them away that a new one seems to blossom. It maybe the reason you feel so weak to deal with it.
But maybe this strange feeling that you seem to have no idea how to deal with is because of your past disappointments, or maybe you suffer from the male top of the chain syndrome-after all its prone to many kikuyu men,and you can not admit it to yourself! or maybe its the kuoya kuoya philosophy that ails you, it makes you want to find smart solutions to dumb problems and you can not outsmart everyone but damn you try-you have a need to try! This feeling is already outsmarting you and you can’t deal with that-you don’t know how to deal with that!
You now fantasize on the things you saw in her that were revealed just after that time. That tattoo fills this revealed puzzle, why she has it in the one place that you thought she wanted only God to see? and you saw..you saw it! damn you kissed it and all was good-naughty good! and now you want more-no!-you need more!and the more you want not to need it, you fall, you need, you need more-need.neeed- and more! and thats why you pen off now! your mind is debating between sending a text or calling her-you were not scheduled to meet today but boom you want to gate crush on her schedule and see her.her voice? lol! her voice is so vibrant, it turns lights on in your life. Love seems to flow from the warm waters of the air she breaths, the air She-only breaths. Yes! could just be it, you never believed love fly’s but sure as hell it has wings-this one does!
Honours: To CATHY muiritu wa kimemia…your part was wonderful, keep up the spirit
plus how can i fail to mention that Kim broke the 72 hours without sleeep record hahaha somebody call G4S!!