just how does it feel?

After the five ullulations i got, just after birth-five for a boy,

i wounder how she felt-mama.

She must have been mesmerised to welcome yet another one in life,

yet another reason for a feast.

A call for dance and merry.

I wonder how merry registered in her heart.


I wonder if she was happy like the first two times,-they were both five ullulations!

she must have wished for atleast four-for a girl,so maybe she was messed up

maybe crashed in her silence,

who needs more chaos out there?boys and chaos, enthreaded!

But being an African, she must have been firm on her believe,

the gods bless you with what they wish and so take it!

and be grateful or else they may strike you.

But i wonder what she sincerely felt.


I wonder because sometimes i get the same results over and over again,

how should i feel?

I nag myself,but oftenly convince myself good is the way to go!


Seldomly, this works.


Ha! feelings don’t always follow such convictions

they run wild like i sometimes do when irritated

you cannot chase them because they are helter-skelter


They have no definate path!


Helter is the way sometimes my heart feels in disappointment

when things that shouldn’t worry me interfer with my consentration.

was man even made to consentrate? this i wonder..

and thats all i do, just wonder.


After ullulations comes more lullubys, wow. Boom!

The repeatations that nag me.

how does it feel?


I spent last evening in a dinner, there were two small energetic boys,

i thought of mama having to deal with three those years, huh!

it must have been hectic to say the least.


And so i wonder.

Where do you get such enthusiasm to care, when i break everything around?

To hold your piece when i shout helter?

To listen to me when i am so lost?

To comfort me when i bought trouble upon myself-and you warned me forehand not to

To finally believe in me when i give the mantle yet another try?

its hard to be a mother, quite equally its hard to be a woman

To handle a man,it takes more than patience

because we are destructive and chaotic in nature

but require such care, special care and as much we don’t give!


Evidence around the world states so,

because if we gave as little much, then equality would never be a question!

It would be the answer! the only answer.

so tell me, to give everything and get hardly anything,

Just how does it feel?



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