Following this unending road today reminded me of a tarmac that i followed many years ago. Searching for a job in the inderstrial area, in a place where saying no was an ordinally thing. My baby today you mademe feel like i was walking down this road again. When you walk along a long tarmac in a sunny day-by the way the feeling of summer dies the moment its not a beach but a job search,you mind imagines f watery spots ahead. In fact you even see them only for them to diminish the moment you get there and new ones form in a distance. a very frustrating feel creeps and bites your heart, in its motivational core. You further blacken-if you are black like me, your lips harden like you have never seen water and your face looks like you are begging, even if your CV looks impecabble!
Today, your swetness and all the nice things i feel about you, you somehow succeded in reminding me of this road. You made me feel the no in sound right down to my heart. You did not have to say it. But your in absence absencess in all days real for me set the message as clear as the sky is in a good summer day. Just like the days i tarmaced in the streets of the unforgiving nairobi!
The no’s in the city of cool waters-that was-no longer is, broke my very motivated heart jole after jole untill i one day thought of sellng my only goat and start a little business endevour. Which i actually did for years, and successful so as a self employed brocke bloke as oppossed to the brocke bloke i would be in employement-if i had landed any( this i would learn later). Lucky me then, never had to tarmac again. Untill today! I don’t have a goat to sell and be self employed- even if i had it doesn’t apply here.But as long as the sun shines and the night darkens i have a decision to make. Big but simple, stupid and heart breaking but worth while-just like selling my goat was.
Sweet pie and all things sweet, just know this. I chased your sweeter than honey love for minutes, days,months and times as many as they were, that form the better part of my life. My love with all its sweet things that made me feel, taste and say expressively all the sweet things i could-many i couldn’t i just felt them beyond expression. I swear my love for you had a life. was alive and kicking-though many times my ass but kicking! Everything and anything alive has a life line and just like a tarmac with a varnishing point comes to an eventual end. Every life line has an end, it might be circled but the beginning marks a point and the end another.
In great sadness and tears of heart break, i declare the arrival of my frustration to this life lines end, the one stop, the point-which is the point! The road ahead is just but a foot path, not tarmaced. I see the horizon line in a great distance far from me, no more varnishing point to one way but a large horizone. There are crowds forming in the wind ward side where i stand, the rain looks real and strong. I have no umbrella but i would rather be rained on by a hail storm than endure the wrath of another moment with you. And this is why today, i broke up with you. Even if you did so many years-in thought, ago. Good bye all the sweetness and sweeter things related!